I hate being sick.

So it seems like the big question lately is: Who am I trying to please?

Am I doing everything to please God? Or am trying to please my parents? Or other people? Maybe just myself?
I can admit that my motives are not always directed towards God. I wish they were. I really wish that I could just... forget everything and set my eyes completely on Him and let Him place the priorities in my life. I mean, my whole life I just wanted to make my mom happy. I just wanted to be an awesome daughter. And I think I still do desire that. Why can't I ever do anything right that would make her proud. It seems I just upset things when I come back into the picture. It sucks and it hurts. Feeling unwanted in your own family. But I know that's not true. And maybe I can't get things straight in my head because I'm afraid of offending anyone. Me, afraid of being offensive. I can tell you straight up that if you don't repent and put your trust in Jesus that you will go to hell. But when it comes to admitting that I don't feel loved - I get scared. Maybe I just feel like I'm too old to feel this way. Like I should have gotten over it sooner. And I've gotten over a lot of things.
Dang.
Back to the point...
So, when I go home this next month... am I going to be the same old Bekki. Or am I going to be the Rebecca that God has formed these past two years?


In other, not serious, news. I did some more Christmas shopping. I am really excited. I am really stumped on what to get my brother, though. I've gotten everyone else figured out.
And I'm sick. This'll be the third day running.

My sock creatures are really coming along. I got some new socks to make one for Selah. I'm stoked.

Anyhow, I'll leave this where it is.