getting to knooooow you

Well well well...
Here I am again. I think if I ever wrote a book or anything of importance, I'd write it at night. For some reason everything is very clear when the sun goes down.
In my last post I wrote about my hopelessness. And now all of that is bunk.
I reluctantly went to Women's Group tonight. And through the first.... 3/4ths of it I was really out of it. I didn't feel well and I was frustrated. But as we kept going on things began to make sense again. I was connecting. So afterwards on my drive to Irving I began to talk to God again. I spoke about my frustration and how I was really dry and all that. I think it's funny that I try to mask my heart to Him. It's so ridiculous. He knows what I am hiding. So, I came clean. I felt silly. But when it's pure from my heart, it is pure in His ears. I could feel Him again. He was speaking to me again. I can't even tell you how amazing that was. He gave me revelation on a lot of things I've been dealing with. I am realizing more and more what it means to die to myself so He can live through me. I can't even THINK of a life I'd rather live. I know it's hard. And I know it's going to have really, really rough times. But the best part is that it will bring Him glory. And He is doing all the work. I'm doing very little in the big picture. And it's amazing. That hard part is letting Him do it. God was not condemning me for my sins, I was. Which was the main part of my hopeless thoughts.
More of You. Less of me. You must increase, I must decrease.

Moving on..

We watched Amazing Grace tonight. Such a good movie. I always see so much more the second time around (plus I wasn't sewing this time). I just love it. But at the same time it makes me sad. How many of us loose sleep over injustice? How many of us will devote our entire lives to see "such things" abolished. Just simply think of abortion. There are a lot of people out there fighting it. And they are getting closer and closer. And I know a few of them that do loose sleep and health and their lives for it. And it's amazing. I really wish I could do that. I wish I had that passion for SOMETHING aside from my love for Christ. But maybe that's just it. It's only through His love that I do anything. And everything I do is birthed from It. I could do a million great things, but if none of them are in the name of Christ - they were a waste. And that is what I loved about this movie. He was torn in the beginning because he had to choose between his political career and his love for Christ. But they merged perfectly. It was God that created men equal, and he saw that. I could seriously go on forever. I'd love for God to use me like that. And I know He can. If only I would let Him.

John Newton:Although my memory's fading, I remember two things very clearly. I'm a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior.