I hate being sick.

So it seems like the big question lately is: Who am I trying to please?

Am I doing everything to please God? Or am trying to please my parents? Or other people? Maybe just myself?
I can admit that my motives are not always directed towards God. I wish they were. I really wish that I could just... forget everything and set my eyes completely on Him and let Him place the priorities in my life. I mean, my whole life I just wanted to make my mom happy. I just wanted to be an awesome daughter. And I think I still do desire that. Why can't I ever do anything right that would make her proud. It seems I just upset things when I come back into the picture. It sucks and it hurts. Feeling unwanted in your own family. But I know that's not true. And maybe I can't get things straight in my head because I'm afraid of offending anyone. Me, afraid of being offensive. I can tell you straight up that if you don't repent and put your trust in Jesus that you will go to hell. But when it comes to admitting that I don't feel loved - I get scared. Maybe I just feel like I'm too old to feel this way. Like I should have gotten over it sooner. And I've gotten over a lot of things.
Dang.
Back to the point...
So, when I go home this next month... am I going to be the same old Bekki. Or am I going to be the Rebecca that God has formed these past two years?


In other, not serious, news. I did some more Christmas shopping. I am really excited. I am really stumped on what to get my brother, though. I've gotten everyone else figured out.
And I'm sick. This'll be the third day running.

My sock creatures are really coming along. I got some new socks to make one for Selah. I'm stoked.

Anyhow, I'll leave this where it is.

one of those things..

1. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
a week or so ago. hey, it's winter!

2. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
waking up. i had to pick up mikaila from the airport

3. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
making dinner

4. What are you wearing?
MAINE shirt and black pants

5. Are you mad at anyone right now?
my throat

6. Last person to say they loved you?
emily?

7.Last person to call you?
cameo

8. What is your middle name?
louise

9. Do you have a crush on anyone?
nope

10. Have you been naked today?
in the shower.

11. Do you have any famous relatives?
we're all famous.

12. Have you ever had sex in a public place?
what? no.

13. Have you ever made-out in a public place?
doubt it.

14.How many different drinks have you had today?
just tea.

16. What have you eaten today?
i went to a chinese buffet for lunch. and i'm making a pizza right now.

17. Are you good at math?
no way

18. Do you have plans on Saturday night?
i'm not sure. i think we have 24 hour prayer.

19. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
nope.

20. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
sure have

21. Do you like the ocean?
yes. i adore it.

22. Do you stay friends with your ex's?
i have a hard enough time staying friends with friends.

23. What are you excited about?
my pizza

24. What did you do yesterday?
drove home from arkansas

25. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
no.

26. Where do you keep your change?
in a tattooed piggy bank

27. Who is the best person in your life?
Jesus

28. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
dagger and i do well together

29. What was the weather like on your birthday?
cold, i think?

30. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends list?
myspace? no.

One is the loneliest

So here we go. Another blog. That's all I need. But, this one is for all the folks back home. Just to see what is happening in my life.
I'll post more later once I get things settled here.